solving the mystery

i never thought i'd ever write an entry in this blog again. i'd been very busy for the past year. 2006 went so fast. i buried myself with tons of work--in my classes, on the job, and a lot of other extras. i barely had time for myself, thus the drastic weight loss.

i barely had time for other people.

once again, i've read through the pages. i realized how close i was to Him before.

sigh.

***

just had my "now so seldom" senti moments. i have nearly succeeded forgeting the sad and the not so sad memories of 2005 (maybe 2003 and 2004 as well) til the news broke out--i suspected that to be true eversince. however, i put the trust on them. i know they're struggling. their pain could have been so hard to face.

i am so disappointed.

yet i know i'd have to forgive.

***

i found new sets of everything. some are real. some are not so real. some still yet resides in my mind--things and people that i could not just ignore. they've been part of my life. i am happy to have known them. i appreciate who they are.

in fact, i even want to dig deeper into their lives.

i found the simplicity of living. i admire them for being able to source out joy in the simple things, even the mundane tasks of life.
however, this admiration is being interpreted in a different way. well, i suppose. they do not know me that much. and maybe, unknowingly and unintentionally, i might've been sending them the wrong signals.

***

i never let them know who i am.
it's so dangerous.

***

if only...
it could have been.

***