solving the mystery

Pagod na ko.

Ewan ko kung ano'ng nasa isip ni Ma'am. Bigla na lang siyang magte-text at 7 o'clock in the morning when I am about to get ready, forcing myself to get up--telling me na di na raw ako magte-take ng quiz. We agreed I'd take it at 8:30 am. I stayed awake til morning just to study those GENES and CHROMOSOMES--heck! I never enjoyed Biology, even during high school. Only to find out I won't take it! Nah! What's going on?

I've been dragging myself to school lately--both to UP and to Akademeia. I am losing the energy. Everything goes meaningless. I know there must be something in these situations but I could not discern it.

This paranoia is killing me.

Just this afternoon, I was asking myself things like: "After all these sacrifices what's next?" "Do they really understand what I'm trying to tell them?" Stuff like that. Ok, I am indeed very busy and I know I can't do everything by myself. I am no superwoman. And here, I'd like to boast that the strength comes from God--He alone could provide me with all the strength and all the things I need. People have been asking for my schedule eversince--asking me how I'd do it. I just point my finger up. And smile. Don't get me wrong. I do get tired. I am tired! And I also get on the verge of giving up. As I've mentioned earlier I've been draggin' myself to school lately.

I don't want to broadcast the details of my sked but here are the things I do: I am doing my practicum, taking two more subjects along with it of which, according to my Prof, is like commiting suicide. (FYI: The SpEd department does not advise student-teachers to take even a 3-unit load together with practicum. Student-teachers should request for it--write a letter to the faculty-in-charge and wait if it gets approved. Of course, their records should prove something. Mine's not that good but I was able to get a 6-unit load with the practicum without even requesting for it!--must be the work of God) Going back, I also have an 8-hour/day shift, 4 days/week job to feed myself and to cover all my expenses. I let my Prof know all about these and she told me I need a miracle to get through. No worries. I do believe in miracles--they happen everyday. Of course, it's never easy--and for those intrigued, it's true that I don't sleep on Friday nights--unless I give out my sked--it gives me frequent headaches, though. Then, add small chores like preparing my food, cleaning my room and going to the laundry shop. Where would I get the time if I would have to sleep 8 hours a day? Don't forget to alot time for travel: I work in Makati, live in QC.

I am not to blog my sked. I am writing this because I am tired and I am losing the energy to go on. I have lots of questions in mind. I just want them to understand what I'm trying to say. It's not easy. I do a lot of sacrifices. Right now, I just want to cry. And I want to cry on somebody else's shoulders. Not alone inside my room! :C haha!Ü

Think. Think. Think.

I'd like to think I only have an option.

AND THAT'S IT!

Whew!

Time to move.